How did your day begin? Mine was not good. Well, I’ve certainly known better. At breakfast I cut my gum on a cornflake due to a combination of missing teeth and bad gums (caused by some of the meds I take). And then, after breakfast, I managed to jam my fingers in the door. Not quite sure how I managed that… loss of sensation in my fingers might have had something to do with it. Plus I am a clumsy bugger at the best of times.
Luckily there was no serious damage done (I cried a lot after the door incident, but that was mostly because I’d broken off my last remaining half-decent fingernail. Mr Penry has now removed the cornflakes and told me to eat weetabix instead. The door – for the moment – is staying where it is.
But that was just the beginning. I had to go to the library to pay my council tax which was waylaid when I overheard a conversation between two old boys sitting at a table in the corner. I can’t resist these conversations, they take me to mad places I would never know otherwise. And I wasn’t really eavesdropping either since they weren’t exactly keeping their voices down.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, the one old boy was explaining how his friend had gone bald and bought some remedy from the internet in order to treat it.
‘Bloody rubbish it was,’ he announced, ‘Completely useless. And do you know why? Do you know what they sent him?’
‘Chicken shit!’ he boomed. ‘Chicken shit in a cap and he had to wear it on his head!’
Honestly, you couldn’t make it up. And as I left the library I reflected, not for the first time, that the rest of the day was going to be pretty dull after that.